So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
