Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
