My liver just broke up with me...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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