good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
