All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
