No period for spring break; use this wisely.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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