now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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