Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
