Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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