The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
