I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
