New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
