Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
