I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
