Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
