I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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