Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
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