Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
The air was thick with penises
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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