my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
