Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
