Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
