I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
