Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
