Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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