well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
