they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
