why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
