got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
