I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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