do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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