I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
