is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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