Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
