happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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