for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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