he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
