Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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