let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
