you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Randomize
