I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
