why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
