We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
