at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
