i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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