She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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