I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
