you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
