On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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