ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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