I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
