sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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