I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
