I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
